Kryptonite
by happy29
Summary: Ray K discovers what his kryptonite is... Fraser already knows what his is...
1. Can you see me now?

I stood there… arm stretched straight out in front of me and willed my finger not to squeeze the trigger before my eyes could clearly focus on their target. Where the hell were my glasses when I needed them the most? It suddenly dawned on me that they were my kryptonite… the one thing that could bring me down and destroy my every ounce of being.

Fraser and I had decided at the last minute to eat at the diner around the corner tonight. A change of pace to getting the usual pizza or Chinese and taking it back to the apartment. We were engrossed in each other's conversation, invading personal space like we tend to do when we have to spend the day apart. I hadn't laid eyes on him since I kissed his sleeping form good bye earlier this morning at 4 am when Welsh called me to come investigate a floating John Doe. I wanted nothing more than a quiet evening to get reacquainted with him, but that would have to wait until later when we were both behind the closed door of our apartment. Although… it wasn't likely I could _forget_ anything about him in the course of 15 hours. I just _missed_ him all day.

Back to the present and our hostage situation. My arm is steady even though my heart is in my throat and I'm trying desperately hard not to choke to death on the sobs I'm fighting so hard to conceal. A goon who has a good forty pounds and at least six inches on Fraser has his stocky forearm wrapped around Fraser's throat cutting off his air supply. He is definitely high on something… giving him the strength of an ox. He's waving a gun around at the terrified people in the diner demanding all the money in the register.

It had been slow ever since we arrived at seven so there couldn't be more than a couple hundred bucks in the thing to begin with. That doesn't seem to dissuade the goon into doing the smart thing and leaving… _no_… that would be too easy. The young waitress is too terrified and can't get the register to open anyway. She's screaming and the goon is screaming and I'm yelling for them both to just _"Shut the fuck up!"_

Fraser and I had decided to sit in the middle of the diner tonight, something we never do. It was fairly empty and we didn't want the waitress to have to walk all the way to our usual corner booth to wait on us. We weren't planning on being there long anyway. Just eat a quick, decent meal and then head home. I knew something was off when the huge guy walked in and was pacing looking for a place to sit. There were plenty of options to choose from. Fraser had gone to wash his hands before we ate and when he was returning to our table, that's when the guy grabbed him from behind and started squeezing the life out of him, demanding the money from the register. I'm up and out of my seat and have my gun on him immediately.

Fraser knows that I can't hit the broad side of a barn without my glasses… maybe that's why he's shaking…or maybe it's because he's getting no oxygen to his brain. Maybe it's because I'm about to make a decision that he thinks could get him killed, _knows_ will get him killed if I try and take the shot. Because let's face it… the guy is moving further away from me, dragging Fraser with him and my aim is getting blurrier with each step he takes.

But I can't do it… I love him too damn much and he knows that too. What he doesn't know, as I lower my gun and _kind of_ admit defeat to the Incredible Hulk that is choking the life out of him, is that there is another gun trained on him too, one that won't miss its target and one that I pray _can_ hit the broad side of a barn. I take a step back as I lock onto Fraser's frightened blue eyes and plead with him not to take the situation into his own hands as I rub a thumb across the bridge of my nose. Our signal to each other that it's going to be okay, that everything is working itself out … that's the plan… _stick to it_.

Please for once in your life_… take the hint_ and _listen to me_. He does… he blinks once, twice and holds his eyes shut on the third. And… _oh god,_ his color isn't looking so good. He opens his eyes and locks onto mine. He's scared because he doesn't know what is happening behind him and I can't tell him without giving it away that there's another cop back there. Another cop that I know _has_ good aim… now that I can see more than just his gun and I let out a huge inward sigh of relief because… _this guy is good._

So, now I don't feel so guilty about dropping my gun, because now we have the advantage… _kind of_. The Incredible Hulk doesn't know it and _Frase_r doesn't know it. But he knows me and he trusts me and that's all I can ask of him at this moment. I'm praying the cop from behind hurries up and does whatever he is going to do because Fraser is starting to go limp and he really is looking more petrified by the second and_ oh god_… what color did he just turn?

When the Incredible Hulk realizes that he isn't getting any money anytime soon, he drags a half-conscious Fraser towards the door and that's when I hear the shot and the screaming from too many people and then they go down…_ both_ the Incredible Hulk _and_ Fraser. The cop from behind has his cuffs out and slapped on the wrists of the Hulk and he's pulling him off Fraser, who isn't moving and I realize that the bullet went through the guys massive body and has struck _Ben_.

I'm pleading and begging with God above not to take him when he opens his eyes and coughs and sucks in a boat load of air then coughs again. I have my arms around him and he's still struggling to breathe and someone in the background is calling for an ambulance but all I can hear is…

"_I'm okay, Ray…I'm okay."_

And isn't that the _most beautiful_ sound in the world. I haul him to a sitting position and rejoice when I see the bullet just grazed his shoulder. It's gonna leave a not so pretty scar… but who cares… because _Ben's alive._

The EMT's get him patched up and decide he doesn't qualify for a trip to the hospital _this time. _We head home, both of us shaken to the core. Diefenbaker is all over Fraser the second we open the door, somehow sensing that something has happened to his pack mate. I get him a double dose of Tylenol and a glass of water and hand it over as he settles onto the couch.

I stand there staring at him and realize I could have lost him again tonight and it would have been partly my fault. My fault because I can't _fucking_ see without my glasses and because I'm too damn stubborn to wear them all the time like I'm supposed to. They will _never_ be my kryptonite again.

"I'm calling the eye doctor in the morning, Ben…"


	2. Superman

I took the offered pills from Ray and swallow them in two difficult gulps. My throat doesn't feel like it will ever be normal again as I struggle against the swelling to complete the simple task of swallowing. I've been hurt far worse than this before. I have nothing to complain about, so what am I worried about now?

It's happened again… hit from behind by friendly fire in the pursuit of stopping the criminal. My mind flashed back to Victoria. Her raven hair waving in the wind as I reach my hand out to her and jump… only to be stopped by the piercing of the bullet in my back. The bullet that left me lying paralyzed… the bullet fired by my friend.

They're calling it friendly fire… same now as back then_…_ _all those years_ ago. I'm living proof that there's _nothing_ friendly about any of it. Nothing friendly about the _recovery_, nothing friendly about the _nightmares_ it brings back to the surface, nothing friendly about the _strain_ it puts on a friendship. The nightmares I had struggled with for so long and was finally able to put a lock on, until now. It took Ray Vecchio and me a long time to come to terms with what had happened between us. There were times I wasn't sure I could forgive him or even forgive myself… but I did and we moved on. The bullet now feels like a golf ball pressing firmly against my spine. It's final resting place forever.

I let Ray lead me to bed, undress me, help me under the covers and hold me close. He's feeling guilty about me getting hurt, as if he had pulled the trigger himself. Guilt over not having his glasses, when he knows he should wear them all the time, guilt at having to let someone else take over control of the situation. He had to place his trust and ultimately mine, in the hands of a rookie cop. Although a very decent shot… he lacked the experience to know that he should have hesitated a few more seconds in order to get a cleaner shot. But he just wanted to be the hero… and save the day.

I've never told Ray, _my Ray_… about Victoria. He knows what is in the file, which isn't a whole lot, thanks to Ray Vecchio. He helped hide my weakness and in doing so, saved me from myself. Maybe it's time I told him… _everything_. The thought of doing so… scares the hell out of me. It would mean exposing a part of myself that I have never let anyone else see, a part of myself I'm not proud of. Maybe tomorrow I will tell him, when my thoughts aren't so clouded over. Tonight, I just want him to hold me and never let go.

"What are you thinking, Ben?" Ray asks me as we lay entangled in each other's arms.

I'm exhausted from the ordeal at the diner, my shoulder is on fire, swallowing is still difficult and painful and all I can think is… "I was scared, Ray." My voice is hoarse from my throat being constricted for too long. I have my eyes closed and I open them slowly and lock onto his. A fresh tear escapes and slides along the crease where his nose meets his cheek. I softly brush it away with my thumb.

"Me too, Ben. I've had all this training on what to do in a hostage situation but it all flew out the window when _you_ became the hostage. I'm so sorry… I never meant for you to get hurt. If… if I could just take back everything I did…" I place a finger to his lips and silence him.

"Just hold me."

I wake up gasping for air, fervently clawing at the raven curls that are encircling my throat. I scratch and claw until I feel Ray's hands cover mine and attempt to pull them away from my battered throat. I'm sitting upright in bed, breathing hard and drenched in a cold sweat. Dief is whining beside me on the floor and Ray has the bedside lamp clicked on. I still have my hands at my throat pulling at the invisible curls threatening to choke me.

"Ben…"

I hear my name being called but it isn't Ray calling me… it's _her_. Victoria's '_Come with me, Ben'_, is all I hear as the light breaks the darkness. '_Come with me…_' is whispered in my ear as the raven curls cinch tighter around my throat. I have my hands to my neck, grasping the curls and I'm thrashing my elbows about trying to break loose…

"Ow, Fraser… _what the fuck_?"

I feel strong hands firmly pulling at my elbow. I'm still gasping for air and my heart is racing. I open my eyes to see Ray with his fingers pressed to a bloody lip. The fog is slowly lifting and I am becoming more aware of my surroundings. I'm home… safe in bed, far away from a snowy train platform that keeps calling my name.

"Ben, what's going on?" Ray asks me and I can hear the concern in his voice. He gets a tissue and blots the blood from his lip. "You okay?" he asks me again and I feel his warm hands on my back rubbing soothing circles around my scar.

I close my eyes tight, take in a deep calming breath, hold it and let it out slowly. When I open my eyes again, Ray is off the bed and offering me a glass of cool water. I think I can trust myself to speak.

"I'm sorry, Ray. It was just a bad dream. I didn't mean to hit you, I felt like I was being choked and I couldn't get free." I wince as he runs his tongue across his split lip. I must have elbowed him good.

"Just a bad dream, huh… sounds more like a nightmare to me. Was it the guy from the diner tonight?"

"No…" I get out of bed to refill my glass of water in an attempt to soothe my sore throat.

Ray follows me to the kitchen and starts a pot of coffee. He shrugs his shoulders and smiles warmly at me. "I figure we may be up for a while and I'm going to need some 'go juice'. Want me to put the kettle on for tea?"

"Thank you, tea would be nice."

Coffee and tea in hands, we settle ourselves on the couch. Ray waits patiently for me to begin. We are at opposite ends of the couch and he has taken my feet into his lap and has begun to rub them. I smile at his kind gesture.

"Her name was _Victoria_… and I let her destroy everything I stood for."

"Come on, Ben… she didn't destroy you. You're a great guy… you're the best person I know."

"Ray Vecchio stopped me from leaving with her, from completing the biggest mistake of my life."

"How's that?" Ray asked me before thinking and then suddenly stopped massaging my feet and stared at me. "_Oh… yeah_. Shit… I'm sorry, Ben."

"She saved my life many years ago and I still turned her in for her part in a bank robbery. When I ran into her here in Chicago, ten years later… I thought with the way she was acting, she had forgiven me. I was so taken with her beauty again and the fact that she had once saved my life when all she had to do was walk away and let me die. I let her pull me into her trap, unguarded. I still can't explain everything that transpired. I was willing to destroy everything I believed in, everything I stood for, the trust of my friend, just to be with her and I was too blind with what I thought was_ love _to see her for what she really was. It took a bullet to make me see things clearly. I would have done anything to be with her."

Ray sat silently, listening to my tale of Victoria. After several moments of silence he asked me a question I wasn't prepared for… "What if she came back now? What would you do?"

I hadn't thought of this question for many years and my answer has transformed multiple times over the course of those years. "I do stupid, careless things around that woman, Ray. I've learned and have finally convinced myself that she will stop at nothing to bring me down with her. You always call me, Superman… she's my kryptonite. She makes me weak."

Ray let go of my feet as if I had just driven a wedge into our existing relationship. I slid down the couch and took his hands into mine before he could move.

"But you, _Ray… you keep me strong. _My life is with you, and I want her gone. I need her gone from all my nightmares, so I can finally rest in peace. I need to find her and bring her in, one last time. Will you help me?" I squeeze Ray's hands praying he understands and agrees.

"So, I'm like Superman's Lois Lane?"

Leave it to Ray to crack a joke and help ease some of my tension. "Yes… you're my good luck charm, and I love you more than life itself." I lean forward and kiss his split lip, deeply sorry for the elbow to his beautiful face.

"Let's go find the crazy bitch and bring her in." Ray gives me a crooked smile and returns my kiss.

"Understood, Ray."


End file.
